Reflections on the First Semester of Seminary

Many of you have asked me how my first semester of seminary went, so I thought I would post something about it here so all can read about it. It has been a semester full of firsts. (my first time away from home, first time living in a dorm, first seminary class, first seminary test, first family genogram, etc.) That is just a few of the firsts, but I think you get the point.

While I have learned a lot academically, I feel I have learned more about myself than anything else. Living in community with 20 people has a way of teaching you things you wouldn't otherwise learn. One of the things I have learned about myself is I need "me" time in order to function around others for long periods of time. In that, I have learned the importance of setting healthy boundaries and time management. At various points throughout the semester, I have struggled with these things. Both of these things have been included in the growth plan I created as a part of the requirements for Exploring Ministerial Identity. I have come up with several ways to improve these skills and have accountability partners, or "bumper buddies" to use Transformational Leadership language, to help me along the way.

One of the most valuable things I learned a little bit about is Bowen's family system theory. Basically, this theory looks not at the individuals within a system, but at the space in between the individuals. Put a little differently, it looks at how the individuals within a system interact with each other. It also points out patterns of behavior. For example, if I have been hurt in some way by a family member, then someone outside of my family hurts me in the same way. My reaction to the second person will be stronger not because I am more hurt by them, but because I have put them in my family member's spot. I have had several moments throughout the semester where I have reacted strongly to a situation that didn't really warrant a strong reaction. In those times, I then stepped back to think about the whole situation and the strong reaction really came from something that had happened within my family in the past. When you recognize these feelings and the reason behind the feelings, it is easier to respond appropriately. This has totally changed the way I view certain things.

This semester I took 4 classes which included Intro to the New Testament I, Biblical Greek I, Exploring Ministerial Identity, and Christian Tradition I. All of these classes were great and each one has taught me different things. The New Testament class changed the way I look at the gospels and the stories we read in the gospels. Many times we try to harmonize what all four gospels say and come up with this one big story, but each gospel has its own story to tell and a lot of that story is lost when we try to harmonize all four of them. Greek was a challenging class, but it has taught me the importance of accurate translation and shown me what can be lost in translation. It has also been neat in that I approach each translation as if it were a puzzle. Each word is an important piece to the overall translation, which ends up being the complete translation. Ministerial Identity has helped me see some of my strengths and also some of my weaknesses, or areas of improvement. Christian Tradition has helped to show me that some of the issues that we are facing in the church today have occurred throughout the history of the church.

I have also met a lot of great people, who have become like family to me. I LOVE my BTSR family and wouldn't trade them for the world! We have laughed together, cried together, had deep theological discussions, hung out, goofed off, etc. I can't imagine life without them. The professors and staff of the seminary are incredible and truly care about all of us. We may be a "small" seminary, but BIG things are happening in our lives and the lives of those we touch.

I know this is where God has called me and I couldn't be happier. I am thankful for all of the prayers and support I have received from family, friends, and church family!

Closure...it's such a weird thing!

Well, tonight has been a weird night. I was showing one of my friends at BTSR the video I made for the students at Holland Road before I left. While I was watching it, there were parts that made me emotional as the memories flooded my mind, but at the same time, there was not a longing to go back to that time and be with "my" students. It's not that I don't miss them because I do. It's more of a knowing that I am where I need to be. While I was at Holland Road, I learned a lot and was able to serve and be served by a plethora of great people. For that, I am forever thankful, but everything has a time and it s my time to be at seminary.

Through this experience, I have learned that there are many stages to closure. For me, I went through a period of no contact whatsoever which was an adjustment period for me and the students and volunteers. Then there was a stage that was strange and uncomfortable at times where everyone was trying to define what the new normal looked like and setting new boundaries. This was followed by a stage of trying to live up to the new standards and staying within the new boundary system. Throughout these stages, for me, there was a longing to be back doing what I had always done. Now, I have reached a new stage in which I can watch and talk about the student ministry and that time in my ministry without a strong longing to be back in that place. For me this is coming to an understanding that God is still at work in my life and the student ministry at HRBC, but us doing a new thing in each of us that is different but great. There may be many more stages that follow this, but ths is the breakthrough that I have come to tonight.

As I think over this situation, I can't help but wonder what else am I holding onto that I need to let go of? What is it that I am not letting go of and thus hindering the work of the Lord both in that area and in me? Where do I need to let go and let God? I challenge each of you to enter this discussion and ask yourself these questions as well.

Self-made

I was reading through my devotion this evening and it was discussing this idea of the self-made man. It pointed out that this concept is a part of the American dream, but in reality it is just that, a dream. So many people have helped to shape us into the people we are today.

As I think back on my life, I realize that God has placed many people in my life to help shape me into who I am today. This list includes my parents, extended family, Sunday School teachers, pastors, youth pastors/workers, bosses, coworkers, volunteers, mentors, etc. this list could go on and on. Words cannot express my gratitude to each of the people who have impacted my life. Without each of you, I would not be where I am today.

I have also come to realize that what may seem like little things can make make a huge difference in the lives of others. Many of the people who have impacted my life were "just doing their jobs", but the reality of it is, it didn't seem like they were just doing their jobs to me. Many times they cared enough for me to let me know I was headed down the wrong path or I was in a state of depression or to simply pray with me for God's guidance.

I leave you with this what have you done to thank those people who have helped shape you into who you are today? How can you be that person for someone else? What are the "little things" that can have a huge impact on the lives of others? What's stopping you?

A new way of thinking

A few months ago I was sitting in my pastor's office and we were talking about some piece of theology that he was wrestling with and thinking through. I cannot remember exactly what we were discussing, but I do remember thinking to myself "Where did this come from?" during the conversation, he looked at me and asked if I ever thought about these things. To which, I quickly told him I did not. All the while, I was thinking "He is crazy. Doesn't he have anything else better to do?"

Well, what a difference a few months can make! I have found myself thinking about things that I previously took for granted. Part of this is because we are being taught in seminary to think differently, but also because we are being challenged to not only talk about what we believe but why we believe what we believe. This kind of reflection comes both inside and outside of the classroom. My good friend Tom is good at asking me why I believe what I believe. While this sometimes catches me off guard, it forces me to think about my beliefs in sometimes tweak those beliefs based on the current knowledge base I am working from.

Just to give a few examples of what I am talking about. Over the last few weeks I have thought about this notion of God as Father and why I believe that description is incomplete and about what constitutes worship and based on that definition of worship, how can we formulate a weekly service that enhances personal worship throughout the week.

I know this is just the beginning of this journey, but I am excited to see how God grows, stretches and uses me over the next few years.

First Post!

Hello everyone! I am trying to find the best way to communicate with everyone as I journey through seminary. There are so many things I am learning and I see this blog as a place to share snapshots from my journey. I hope you will enjoy the updates as they come. I am asking you to bear with me as I am relatively new to the blogging world. This is a work in progress!